Night Life

I went to a BDSM night at a local nightclub last night. I went there mainly to watch people, but I also had an alterior motive. I hoped to meet my girlfriend's ex, who is a member of the BDSM community here, the one that does the demonstrations at the club. Or, judging from the comments of some of the demonstrators and the disappointing lack of her weird face, perhaps she WAS a member and got booted out by a patent leather, thigh-high, studded stilletto. Who knows.

Anyway, I have always been curious about the ex. Let's call her Ellie McLonglip. I knew that she and my girlfriend (here called Mo) had been together while she had been with a boy (Jonny). I knew that Ellie had manipulated Mo, used her, forced her to do things, all the while neglecting her whenever Jonny was around. I also knew that she had abnormally long labia minora, and you could apparently see them hanging down between her thighs when looking at her (in a standing pose) from behind.

At first I HATED Ellie for the way I knew that she'd treated Mo. And then, over the course of the first few months that Mo and I were together, I realized that Mo doesn't hate Ellie, rather accepts what happened to her while with Ellie. It's fairly complicated, the resolution that Mo's come to, and I'm not sure that I understand it. Nonetheless, I accepted it, and decided that I'd try to see Mo and Ellie's mindfucked relationship the way Mo did.

And then the comparisons started. It turns out that Ellie was also an anthropology major, and she, like I, modeled nude for the college art department (before becoming a prostitute and a stripper and dropping out). "That must be your type," one of Mo's friends said to her. At first, the comparisons didn't bother me. Then, one of my professors, in response to my idea for a senior thesis, talked about Ellie. It was a cautionary tale. He had no idea just who she is to me.

My hatred was renewed. How dare she intrude into my academic life? How dare she make me seem her clone, again, especially in a place with which I so heavily identified myself? It was all very dramatic. But I calmed down after a couple weeks, talked to Mo about it. The two of us came to the conclusion that it might be good for me to meet her.

After stalking Ellie for a little while on the internet, gathering all the info I could find based on her real name and her porn name my feeling that we were somehow the same person began to ease. It was one of the easiest things I've ever done on the World Wide Waste of Time. Ellie didn't exactly make herself hard to learn about, and the more I learned, the better I felt. But I still wanted to meet her.

So, Mo and I went to BDSM night, planning to rendezvous with a friend that Mo had met through McLonglip. This friend (Callie) had grown up with Ellie, been good friends with her for a long time. Until recently, that is. I told Callie of my plight. She promptly responded with, "Oh, you're so much hotter than she is. I actually like looking at your face!" It made my night. Callie, if you read this, please know that your comments are much appreciated. Callie also helped me look around and ask around after Ellie, hence the knowledge of the possibility that she got kicked out of that particular BDSM house.

Still, didn't meet her. Oh well. This will make an interesting first discussion with my new therapist.

The rest of the night, I took note of the discrepencies between the behavior of the male demonstrators and the female demonstrators. The male demonstrators were mostly calm, composed, professional, authoritative. The women resembled lap dancers. They gave a very sexualized performances of clothes-pinning, surface piercing, electricity play, fireplay. The male demonstrators mainly communicated with the subject and did their thing.

And the fake porn faces that a girl I know from school made while being suspended were highly amusing.

Ok... so my anthropology blog is undeniably postmodernist. But all blogs, by their nature, are postmodernist, so I don't feel bad at all. Maybe an anthropology person will read that one day and get it. If not... meh. I'll write another, more intellectual discourse than this one some other time.