Dear Mo,
Thank you so much for being in my life. I know that you are so much more than my best friend; you are my best friend, magnified. It really means a lot to me that you will take care of me so often, help me make decisions and back me up.
You make me smile every day, even when I'm cranky and pissy and want to kick you. You are so brilliant that I can't even fathom the depth of your brain.
I wish, sometimes, that there was a way for me to tell you that other people think you are just as amazing as I think you are, that they love to be around you. One day, I hope you'll see that others think you rock their socks off, and I hope you'll feel a deep and satisfying sense of belonging.
You are my home, and I love you tremendously.
Sophia
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Every time I try to blog...
...I find that I have nothing to say. My friend Angie at My So Called Chaos is doing this thing where she writes letters to people. It seems like a good idea, so I'm going to copycat. I may start later today, or tomorrow.
The Curriculum:
day 1 — your best friend
day 2 — your crush
day 3 — your parents
day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)
day 5 — your dreams
day 6 — a stranger
day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 8 — your favorite internet friend
day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you
day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from
day 15 — the person you miss the most
day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country
day 17 — someone from your childhood
day 18 — the person that you wish you could be
day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest
day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression
day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23 — the last person you kissed
day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times
day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day
day 28 — someone that changed your life
day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
day 30 — your reflection in the mirror
The Curriculum:
day 1 — your best friend
day 2 — your crush
day 3 — your parents
day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)
day 5 — your dreams
day 6 — a stranger
day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 8 — your favorite internet friend
day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you
day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from
day 15 — the person you miss the most
day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country
day 17 — someone from your childhood
day 18 — the person that you wish you could be
day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest
day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression
day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23 — the last person you kissed
day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times
day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day
day 28 — someone that changed your life
day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
day 30 — your reflection in the mirror
Saturday, May 8, 2010
I hate this family sometimes.
So, Mo's mother planned another family triple date and didn't invite us. This happens all the time. It was with Mo's mom and stepdad, St. Betty the Bitch and Twinky Boy (her husband), and Mo's brother and his new girlfriend. They all went to see Iron Man 2 and didn't mention a word to Mo. I was actually sitting in the room when they were planning it and I was not invited. When Mo asked her mother why nobody invited us, Mo's mother said "Well, it's like a date thing, with Will and his new girlfriend." As if that's an answer. This leads me to ask the following questions:
1. Because it was a date between couples, are Mo and I not considered a legitimate couple? (nevermind that we've been together a year and a half, and Will has maybe been with this girl a month)
2. Though her family says they accept us and our relationship, are they, in fact, embarassed by their daughter and her lesbian girlfriend?
3. Are we the black secret of the family that they want to keep hidden from Will's new girlfriend? Do they think we'll scare her off?
I honestly don't feel like going out to a movie with St. Betty the Bitch and Twinky Boy, or Mo's mother and stepdad, but the fact is that it hurts Mo every time it happens. And I do not like it.
When I posed the above questions to Mo, she brushed it off and said the reason for her family's disgusting behavior was more likely something that didn't seem very likely to me at all. I honestly wonder if the above possibilities are just too hurtful for Mo to think about.
Once again, I feel the urge to confront the assholes, but I know that even saying something small like, "It really hurt my feelings that I was sitting three feet away, and Mo and I weren't even invited," would be a "outburst" in this stupid household.
But what I really want to ask is, "Are you all ashamed of Mo and I? Do you deliberately leave us out because you are embarassed by us? What is it exactly that embarasses you?" However, this would also be deemed an "outburst" and "disruptive."
I'm glad I'm getting out of this emotionally fucktarded situation. I understand that my family situation is also negative emotionally, but at least everybody there is honest about their feelings instead of pulling passive agressive shit that hurts people. At least there, when somebody hurts your feelings, it's because they've said something, and you have the opportunity to defend yourself because they've opened it up for discussion.
What's funny is that Mo's mom said a few nights ago that she was worried about our sanity in my parents' house. Does she call ignoring her feelings because they just might be negative "sanity?"
1. Because it was a date between couples, are Mo and I not considered a legitimate couple? (nevermind that we've been together a year and a half, and Will has maybe been with this girl a month)
2. Though her family says they accept us and our relationship, are they, in fact, embarassed by their daughter and her lesbian girlfriend?
3. Are we the black secret of the family that they want to keep hidden from Will's new girlfriend? Do they think we'll scare her off?
I honestly don't feel like going out to a movie with St. Betty the Bitch and Twinky Boy, or Mo's mother and stepdad, but the fact is that it hurts Mo every time it happens. And I do not like it.
When I posed the above questions to Mo, she brushed it off and said the reason for her family's disgusting behavior was more likely something that didn't seem very likely to me at all. I honestly wonder if the above possibilities are just too hurtful for Mo to think about.
Once again, I feel the urge to confront the assholes, but I know that even saying something small like, "It really hurt my feelings that I was sitting three feet away, and Mo and I weren't even invited," would be a "outburst" in this stupid household.
But what I really want to ask is, "Are you all ashamed of Mo and I? Do you deliberately leave us out because you are embarassed by us? What is it exactly that embarasses you?" However, this would also be deemed an "outburst" and "disruptive."
I'm glad I'm getting out of this emotionally fucktarded situation. I understand that my family situation is also negative emotionally, but at least everybody there is honest about their feelings instead of pulling passive agressive shit that hurts people. At least there, when somebody hurts your feelings, it's because they've said something, and you have the opportunity to defend yourself because they've opened it up for discussion.
What's funny is that Mo's mom said a few nights ago that she was worried about our sanity in my parents' house. Does she call ignoring her feelings because they just might be negative "sanity?"
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Bad blogger
Well, looks like it's every four days... problem is, I don't have very much to say recently. I've just been vegging. Extensively. And stressing about my stupid car. I may have to hit up family members for the money to fix it, or money to move, because my car is likely to drain all that I have saved up for the move, and I can't move without the thing.
Mo and I have been reading to one another. It's fun. We're reading a book called Sabriel. It's a young adult book about necromancers, and it's very entertaining. Plus, it doesn't have the stupid teenaged romance crap like Twilight. Hate that shit. I've also been reading Mo's notebooks, journals that she kept a time ago and recently. It's been very interesting, and I'm enjoying the chance to know her more.
I reconnected with a very old friend on facebook, and we've been talking. She was my greatest friend through the worst part of my life, and I loved her. So it's been nice chatting again. We haven't spoken for 10 years.
That's what's going on.
Mo and I have been reading to one another. It's fun. We're reading a book called Sabriel. It's a young adult book about necromancers, and it's very entertaining. Plus, it doesn't have the stupid teenaged romance crap like Twilight. Hate that shit. I've also been reading Mo's notebooks, journals that she kept a time ago and recently. It's been very interesting, and I'm enjoying the chance to know her more.
I reconnected with a very old friend on facebook, and we've been talking. She was my greatest friend through the worst part of my life, and I loved her. So it's been nice chatting again. We haven't spoken for 10 years.
That's what's going on.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sophia Mann returns to blogville
I'm back! I was never a very good blogger to begin with, but a lot of that owed to the fact that I was in my final semester of college with four upper division classes.
Now that I'm finished with that, and only have one last thing to complete before getting my diploma, I plan to make a REAL attempt to blog. Every day, or perhaps every other day. I have not yet decideded. At any rate, I will be making daily entries during my last hurrah as an Anthropology undergrad, a trip to Greece and Turkey. (!!!) Granted, I have to do it for my course credit, but who cares?
So here's what's going on in my life:
1. I'm going to therapy. I'm trying to work through some issues I have (such as my tendency to burst into tears at the slightest sign of an instructor's disapproval).
2. Working things out with Mo. Our relationship hasn't gone south, more a little sideways. We discovered that we've got some big problems. Many of my friends (mostly the ones who haven't really had relationships) think that our problems signify the faliure of our relationship. But frankly (something that I wish I could say to those friends), I feel that it's not the problems in a relationship that make it fail. Rather, it is the problems interfering with the amount that each individual cares for the other within the relationship. So sure, Mo and I have some big problems (which mostly have to do with each of us as individuals), but despite these problems, we still love each other just as much as when we first fell in love. Therefore, we are taking this calm, school-free time to work on learning about each other.
3. Preparing for a move. We're going to move across the country to Virginia, where our employment chances are higher. We plan to live with my parents until the two of us get jobs, and then we will move out and create a home of our own (hopefully with a kitten). We'd originally planned to do this in Utah, but unfortunately, there is no job market for recent graduates in Utah, especially with the good ole' boy job networking that goes on here. In addition, though unemployment is still a problem in Virginia, it is not as bad, nor is the state's legislation sticking their heads in the sand regarding the unemployment. So employment opportunities are more likely to get better and better.
4. Being scared shitless about the move. It's terrifying, especially since its such an act of committment for Mo and I. I got a little cold feet a couple weeks ago. Does that make me the man in the relationship? :-P
5. Preparing for Greece and Turkey.
6. Studying Russian... soon. I will be soon.
7. Sleeping and playing computer games. I'm spending a little too much time on this recently, but oh well.
Now that I'm finished with that, and only have one last thing to complete before getting my diploma, I plan to make a REAL attempt to blog. Every day, or perhaps every other day. I have not yet decideded. At any rate, I will be making daily entries during my last hurrah as an Anthropology undergrad, a trip to Greece and Turkey. (!!!) Granted, I have to do it for my course credit, but who cares?
So here's what's going on in my life:
1. I'm going to therapy. I'm trying to work through some issues I have (such as my tendency to burst into tears at the slightest sign of an instructor's disapproval).
2. Working things out with Mo. Our relationship hasn't gone south, more a little sideways. We discovered that we've got some big problems. Many of my friends (mostly the ones who haven't really had relationships) think that our problems signify the faliure of our relationship. But frankly (something that I wish I could say to those friends), I feel that it's not the problems in a relationship that make it fail. Rather, it is the problems interfering with the amount that each individual cares for the other within the relationship. So sure, Mo and I have some big problems (which mostly have to do with each of us as individuals), but despite these problems, we still love each other just as much as when we first fell in love. Therefore, we are taking this calm, school-free time to work on learning about each other.
3. Preparing for a move. We're going to move across the country to Virginia, where our employment chances are higher. We plan to live with my parents until the two of us get jobs, and then we will move out and create a home of our own (hopefully with a kitten). We'd originally planned to do this in Utah, but unfortunately, there is no job market for recent graduates in Utah, especially with the good ole' boy job networking that goes on here. In addition, though unemployment is still a problem in Virginia, it is not as bad, nor is the state's legislation sticking their heads in the sand regarding the unemployment. So employment opportunities are more likely to get better and better.
4. Being scared shitless about the move. It's terrifying, especially since its such an act of committment for Mo and I. I got a little cold feet a couple weeks ago. Does that make me the man in the relationship? :-P
5. Preparing for Greece and Turkey.
6. Studying Russian... soon. I will be soon.
7. Sleeping and playing computer games. I'm spending a little too much time on this recently, but oh well.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Dear So and So
Dear Readers of Dear So and So,
I'm too lazy to get the picture.
Sleepy Student
Dear Army Anthropologist,
You really scared me yesterday when you told me you needed to talk to me after class. I felt like I was waiting for the principle the entire time. However, I was very pleased with the news that you gave me.
Your Anthro Student of the Year
Dear Me,
You are AWESOME. You've worked your butt off and kept it up. Even though you've bitched along the way, you've managed to do the thing you wanted. Do well. And here's the evidence: the faculty of anthro declared you Anthropology Student of the Year! Try to let this be enough. Keep this in mind when you're thinking you're not good enough. You are Anthropology Student of the Year for 2009-2010. You can do all kinds of things. And you will.
Sophia.
I'm too lazy to get the picture.
Sleepy Student
Dear Army Anthropologist,
You really scared me yesterday when you told me you needed to talk to me after class. I felt like I was waiting for the principle the entire time. However, I was very pleased with the news that you gave me.
Your Anthro Student of the Year
Dear Me,
You are AWESOME. You've worked your butt off and kept it up. Even though you've bitched along the way, you've managed to do the thing you wanted. Do well. And here's the evidence: the faculty of anthro declared you Anthropology Student of the Year! Try to let this be enough. Keep this in mind when you're thinking you're not good enough. You are Anthropology Student of the Year for 2009-2010. You can do all kinds of things. And you will.
Sophia.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Angry Vagina
My vagina is angry. It is. It's pissed off.
Why is it that there can be medical research to create a pill that makes it so old fogeys (whose whithered raisiney testicle shouldn't be pumping out ejaculate anyway) can get it up, but NOBODY can do extensive and conclusive research about what upsets the vaginal pH, causing a woman to get a yeast infection?!!!!!
Seriously, we all know that spooge (which is disgusting), upsets the pH, but what about for women who don't have sex with men? What about all the 7 and 8 year olds who get them? It's clearly not BAD HYGIENE, like all those (male) pediatricians say. Because I have excellent hygiene and still get them. AND...
A woman knows when she has a fucking yeast infection, you fucking pricks. She doesn't need to go to the fucking doctor so that she can pay $25 or more for the doctor to confirm to her that she indeed knows her body, plus $5-10 for the prescription. AND...
Why is it that the creams are $10-$15 dollars? AND...
Baby Powder has corn starch in it. Corn starch is a sugar. Sugar in the vag causes infections. WHY are we using this on female babies? And WHY hasn't anybody come up with a safer alternative? AND...
I think that men should be disqualified from the ObGyn profession. They don't have a vagina or a uterus, how the hell are they supposed to know what's going on in my body? No amount of book learning can EVER make a man fully understand what a woman's body does. EVER. AND...
I am so tired of pouring countless amounts of money into my vagina because NOBODY can tell me why I get yeast infections all the time. I need to recruit some radical feminists to break into key members of the FDA's houses, stick a straw down their penises, pour salt into the tube, slowly remove the tube, and scream, "THIS IS WHAT A YEAST INFECTION FEELS LIKE YOU ASSHOLE, SO MAKE DIFLUCAN OVER THE COUNTER ALREADY!"
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