I'm a very bitter person.

I realize that I complain quite a bit. But to be honest, there really isn't much that's good in my life. There's a lot that's not bad, but nothing much that's actually good.

Mo and I are having problems. It's very unfortunate. We're two years into our relationship, and we already know that we need couple's therapy. But the sad fact is that we can't afford couple's therapy right now.

I don't know if any of you who (maybe) read this have been in a relationship after having been cheated on, but what Mo and I are going through is that awkward tension after a major trust has been betrayed, kind of like what some couples go through after infidelity. Think Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson's marriage in Love Actually after he's slept with his secretary. Neither of us cheated, though. It was something else. Basically, I've realized that while I still love Mo, the love is buried deep under this thick, numb shield, despite the fact that I've forgiven her. I thought that having more sex would help, or that it would help if Mo showed more of a desire to have sex. But I don't think that's what will make things better. I'm just going to have to peel off the shield myself, layer by layer.

On top of all this, my Grandpa died Saturday, and the funeral stuff starts this evening. I know it's silly of me, but I'm more worried about seeing my dad's side of the family than I am sad about the loss. He was old, I was not close to him, and he went out the best way possible: in his sleep. My dad's family, however, is the Aryan Race, and my aunts are stepford wives. They also hate my little lesbian guts.

I also realized that if my work circumstances don't improve by the New Year, I'm going to be making trips to the food bank. Hopefully, the student loan companies will allow me to defer my loans again. I just won't be able to make the payments. Welcome to America, folks. Where we face economic consequences when we peacefully protest, consequences that are no less binding than the illegality of free speech. Home of the oppressed, the uninsured, the unemployed, and the poor, educated people who don't qualify for governmental aid despite the fact that they live at the 37th% poverty guideline. Where the fuck is my government kickback? Where are my civil rights? Where is my girlfriend's free medical insurance? Where is that job that I'm supposed to have because of my intelligence, my hard work, and my diligence?

This country is a sham. They ought to tear down the Statue of Liberty, because now, her presence in New York is just plain silly. None of us has any liberty. We're all in a torture frame created by jobs and capitalism.