Dear So-and-So

Dear Tuesday morning,

Why the hell did you have to come so soon? I was enjoying my sleep.
Sleepy Girl

Dear Dad,

Please refrain from calling me at such indecent hours. At 5:45 a.m., I'm enjoying the last few minutes of sleep I get. If it's not an emergency, DO NOT call me so goddamned early, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Your loving daughter

Dear Fucktard Art History Professor,

Thanks for writing "Assignment due on Tuesday, February 16 (Mardis Gras!) by midnight" on my assignment. I love being reminded that instead of celebrating with friends on a holiday, I'm going to be stuck at home doing your lame-ass fucking assignment. Oh, and thank you for having another four-to-five hour assignment due tomorrow. I don't have any other homework or classes at all and can definitely go to the library and watch a one-hour long documentary, look at an art book, read a 15-page article, answer 30 questions, and write a 2-page essay. Your 3000-level class is so deserving of this Master's level work. And I wouldn't want to do ANYTHING else with my time.
Dedicated Student

Dear Coffee and Art Supply store on campus,
Thanks for the chai... and for the Ani DiFranco following me out into the sitting area.
Cranky but soothed student

Dear Miss Angie,
Thanks for the idea for a post like this. It's quite therapeutic.
Sophia