Dear Mom and Dad,
I know you raised me the best way you thought possible, but I stand here as living proof that you did multiple things wrong. I still love you, but I'm also still working on forgiving you for the ways you fucked me up.
Panic disorder, the inability to take care of my body, the constant feeling that I am not ever going to be good enough... these things I attribute to my upbringing, to you. It seems that your concern for my Judaeo-Christian salvation corrupted your ability to create a fully-functioning adult. I am not certain that I've learned anything from you. The truth is, I've had to relearn everything since I stopped living with you. I've had to learn how to treat individuals respectfully within my interpersonal relationships. I've had to relearn how to speak to people when I'm upset with them. I've had to reshape my standards regarding men, which men to fear and which to trust. I've had to learn what situations are dangerous when dating, and which are safe. I've had to learn about filing taxes, maintaining budgets, my schedule, my car all on my own, or with the help of older adults who were not responsible for teaching me these things. You should thank your lucky stars that I went to a University with a high non-trad population, or I may not have been able to make these vital, life-altering friendship with people who could mentor me about the world. You did not keep my innocence in tact. You just made me street stupid, causing me to lose my innocence in a violent way. There is also a good deal of innocence I never had because of the way you abused me.
I hope, one day, I can forgive you for all of this, and just see you as the people who conceived me and took care of my physical needs for the first 20 years of my life.
Sophia
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